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All hail the Wizards of Osc.

Ben! 

Best Actor. Best Dressed. 

Daniel Day-Lewis.

Let’s just give Christoph Waltz all of the Oscars.

27 Things Not to Say During Your Oscars Acceptance Speech

• “What’s crazy about this is I don’t even LIKE Jews.”
• “Sorry it took me so long to get up here! I had a boner and I had to wait for it to go down.”
• “Now I can trade in my wife for KATHRYN BIGELOW!”
• “Suck it, Quvenzhané Wallis!”
• “Who has two thumbs and is doing coke off a hooker’s ass tonight? THIS GUY!”
• “And thank you to the Ayatollah Khomeini for inspiring this film.”
• “I kind of feel bad that this award didn’t go to the old lady.”
• “And thank you to Osama bin Laden for inspiring this film.”
• “Talk about torture! That tribute to Jerry Weintraub—just waterboard me!”
• “And thank you to destitute French whores for inspiring this film.”
• “Speak American you snobby assholes: It’s LAY MIZ.”

Read the full list at GQ.com

Congrats to Our Favorite Oscar Nominated Actors

Here’s a rundown of our coverage on this year’s Academy picks:

Nate Penn on Melissa McCarthy’s Bridesmaids performance.

The Artist’s Jean Dujardin modeling plaid suits.

Chris Heath makes Michelle Williams cry a lot.

Nick Nolte gives us the finger. He has strangely thick fingers.

Gary Oldman in glorious excess.