Wow, who would have guessed that a 21st-century pop star would rely on enhanced production values during a live performance? I’m STUNNED, I tell you. Why, I read our profile of her this month in GQ and I thought to myself, “Now there’s a lady who totally isn’t obsessed with being in complete control of how she presents herself! The only reason she has a videographer film her seventeen hours a day is because she’s so chill in front of a camera!”
Beyoncé almost certainly sang the song live AND synched it to backing tracks. This is a woman who spends every performance trying to upstage HER OWN voice. If you’re outraged that she lip synched, you’re probably someone who already dislikes her and thinks she’s a cheap phony. If you’re angrily defending your precious Bey against all the haters out there, you’re probably one of my colleagues at Gawker who look for any excuse to lionize her. But no one could possibly be genuinely upset that she didn’t do the thing au naturel. That’s like bitching about the retouching in an issue of Playboy. Don’t be so naive. Turns out she WASN’T horny while filming that “Crazy in Love” video! I feel so used.
A female works through her very desirable female vote:
I JUST DON’T KNOW YOU GUYS!!!!!!! By my tally—which could be inaccurate because you know what happens when you put women and numbers in the same room (haha, actually, I’m not sure what happens! But that just goes to show why you never, ever put women and numbers in the same room)—Mitt Romney said “women” 45 times during his convention speech, while Barack Obama only mentioned “women” 31 times. Neither of them mentioned cats or The Bachelor. Hmmph :(
They both had Moms they really liked, which is obviously one of my top issues! I’m not a Mom yet, but believe you me, when I am, I’m going to make everyone call me Mom first and foremost. Like the checkout kid at the grocery store, “That’ll be $62.91, Mom.” Or my dear gynecologist Dr. Bernowitz, “Could you schooch down a little closer to the end, Mom?” My husband, for sure, will call me Mom around the clock! I get a 50 Shades of Gray-esque tingle down there (you know what I mean, ladies!!) just imagining him whispering in my ear, “Mom, you want to head up to the master bedroom?”
The rest here.
These are hard times for birthers. The moment seems to have passed, the “evidence” rejected. But salvation awaits! David Maraniss’s exhaustive biography, Barack Obama: The Story, stretching from before his birth to the start of his political career, is out this month—and sure to inspire a new wave of conspiracy theories about our Kenyan Muslim commie in chief. GQ contributor Yoni Brenner puts on his tinfoil hat to predict the paranoias to come. Two new theories below. Click here for the rest.
“Other women—previous girlfriends, later girlfriends and wives—would say that [Barack Obama’s father] had an intense sexual magnetism that seemed irresistible.”
SEXERS: Far from coincidental, Obama senior’s Intense Sexual Magnetism, or ISM, was obtained by Kenyan revolutionaries through the Soviets, who undermined British rule with a program of long walks and mind-blowing sex.
“When the birth notice appeared in the Star-Bulletin…the parents were identified as Mr. and Mrs. Barack H. Obama and their home address was listed as 6085 Kalanianaole Highway.”
KALERS: Although Kalanianaole appears to be an innocent street name, it is also an anagram for “Anal Kale-onia”— a bizarre colonic treatment soon to become mandatory under Obamacare.