That’s No Joke. Consider: He is the most quietly effective politician in D.C. (Don’t laugh.) The “Most Influential Vice President in History.” (Seriously, stop laughing.) One of our nation’s most senior statesmen. (Look it up!) So why is the man who could be the next president also the butt of so many jokes? Jeanne Marie Laskas gets to know the most misunderstood man in Washington.
The last few days have seen a rumbling around the Internet about the U.S. Treasury minting a $1 trillion dollar coin in order to alleviating the debt ceiling/fiscal cliff/that thing you’re sick of having explained to you. It turns out that there’s a technicality in U.S. law that allows the Treasury to mint a platinum coin worth any denomination they decide. With Timothy Geithner on his way out, his last act could theoretically be to create one of these coins, put it in the country’s bank account, and then voila, we’re $1 trillion richer. The big fear is that it would cause hyperinflation and destroy the dollar. Well turns out that this is probably not be the case. Of course, that’s not to say that there couldn’t be other problems with creating this über coin:
- Biden will inevitably use it to buy a Charleston Chew in a vending machine. “That son of a bitch Boehner wouldn’t break me off a piece, so I had to, y’know?”
- Within hours, the Franklin Mint will release replicas commemorating the striking of the coin. Just four easy payments of 24.95!!
- One trillion $1 coins is a way better idea; you could swim in it Scrooge McDuck-style. Meanwhile, Monty Burns prefers bills.
- Your creepy uncle could easily steal it by “vanishing” it behind some kid’s ear.
So, you wanna be a Vice President? We sent Jason Zengerle to one of Washington’s top Veep-vetters to find out if he’s got what it takes to be the next (God help us all) Sarah Palin:
"Have you ever," he asks, "had a homosexual encounter?"
"Could a rogue IT guy have access to a sex tape or anything like that?"
He makes a check mark on his sheet of paper, and then there’s a long pause. I start to think I’m finally out of the woods. But no, he has a follow-up, a loophole in his last question that needs closing. He looks right at me. “Is there a sex tape?”
No! No to all of it! I am dull as dirt! I’m a happily married dad with pitifully little to hide! So… Why am I so nervous? Why is my heart racing? Have I done something bad? Inquisitions, I’m discovering, are scary even when you’re kind of a square.
Your Blunder Prone Vice President is Finally on Twitter (@VP)
Campaigning for @BarackObama in Flagstaff, and let me just say, you CANNOT step foot in a nail salon here w/o speaking a few words of Thai.
NO! RT @foxnewspolitics @BarackObama has just passed. The President is dead. A sad 4th of July, indeed.
Thanks! RT @foxnewspolitics We wish @joebiden the best of luck as our new President of the United States.
FUCKIN A. Sorry all! RT @KeithOlbermann Joe, it’s a hacked twitter account. The president is fine