“Oh, you just now figured out that your show is a lowest common denominator repository of ancient dick jokes? You shouldn’t have needed Jesus’s help to figure that out. Real gutsy to shit all over Two and a Half Men after you’ve earned a retirement from it. YOU COULD HAVE PUT A STOP TO CHUCK LORRE AGES AGO, YOU LITTLE SHIT.” - Drew Magary
Time once again to break down five things from the past week that were exhausting, annoying, and downright insufferable. Because we never have anything nice to say about anything.
It’s time once again to break down five things from the past week that were exhausting, annoying, and downright insufferable. Because complaining is fun!
4. The MTV Video Music Awards. ZOMG you guys! What OUTRAGEOUS thing happened last night? Did two people kiss? Did one person interrupt another person? TRULY HISTORIC MOMENTS if you’re thirteen years old and your life is so void of actual substance that Taylor Swift’s feelings matter to you. In my day, it used to be about the VIDEOS, dammit.
Welcome to our feature where we break down five things from the past week that were overplayed and utterly exhausting:
1. Rape. It’s the 21st century. By now, I was really hoping that the main issues in American political life would include things like extraterrestrial immigration, weaning ourselves off of foreign spaceship fuel, and debating the legality of cloned sex slaves. THAT is where human progress should have landed us by now. But no. No, thanks to breathtaking idiots like Todd Akin, we’re still hashing out the whole “Hey, is rape a real thing?” issue. At this rate, I expect the 2016 political campaign to center around debates such as “The Wheel: Did Satan make it?” and “Why aren’t more children attending our public stonings?” This is not progress, people.