Welcome to our feature where we break down five things from the past week that were overplayed and utterly exhausting:
1. Rape. It’s the 21st century. By now, I was really hoping that the main issues in American political life would include things like extraterrestrial immigration, weaning ourselves off of foreign spaceship fuel, and debating the legality of cloned sex slaves. THAT is where human progress should have landed us by now. But no. No, thanks to breathtaking idiots like Todd Akin, we’re still hashing out the whole “Hey, is rape a real thing?” issue. At this rate, I expect the 2016 political campaign to center around debates such as “The Wheel: Did Satan make it?” and “Why aren’t more children attending our public stonings?” This is not progress, people.