It’s like a blackout. When I’m onstage, I don’t know what the crap happens. I am gone.
Beyoncé, foreshadowing.
A Brief History of the Booty
In ancient times, a booty was carved into wood or stone in order to spike a man’s virility. Now we have Google. Here, for posterity, is a brief history of the posterior, from Degas to Beyoncé.
Drew Magary on Beyoncé-Gate:
Wow, who would have guessed that a 21st-century pop star would rely on enhanced production values during a live performance? I’m STUNNED, I tell you. Why, I read our profile of her this month in GQ and I thought to myself, “Now there’s a lady who totally isn’t obsessed with being in complete control of how she presents herself! The only reason she has a videographer film her seventeen hours a day is because she’s so chill in front of a camera!”
Beyoncé almost certainly sang the song live AND synched it to backing tracks. This is a woman who spends every performance trying to upstage HER OWN voice. If you’re outraged that she lip synched, you’re probably someone who already dislikes her and thinks she’s a cheap phony. If you’re angrily defending your precious Bey against all the haters out there, you’re probably one of my colleagues at Gawker who look for any excuse to lionize her. But no one could possibly be genuinely upset that she didn’t do the thing au naturel. That’s like bitching about the retouching in an issue of Playboy. Don’t be so naive. Turns out she WASN’T horny while filming that “Crazy in Love” video! I feel so used.
“Your self-worth is determined by you. You don’t have to depend on someone telling you who you are.” - Beyoncé
You Could’ve Worked For Miss Millennium
As a… digital archivist. In 2011. Don’t be too disappointed though, we’re guessing the boss wouldn’t have popped by very often for this kind of gig.
Nitasha Tiku of Betabeat writes:
The Library Journal’s Tumblr unearthed a job listing from the “I Need a Library Job” daily email circa 2011/your greatest dreams. The request for a technically-savvy digital archivist was sent out by Parkwood Entertainment, Beyoncé’s management company. Apparently, some lucky Temple University students were also encouraged to apply.
Digital Archivist for Beyonce
Parkwood Entertainment
No location given- probably NYC
Parkwood Entertainment is seeking a digital archivist interested in organizing and building an archive for a major pop star (Beyonce) starting with approximately 130 TB of footage with an eye to expanding further in the future. Candidates should have experience with servers and enterprise class storage and be able to recommend hardware solutions. Looking for someone to start immediately, pay is negotiable. Prospective applicants should e-mail resume and cover letter to: Annette Govan – Ag@Parkwoodent.com and William Kirstein – William.Kirstein@gmail.com
The 100 Hottest Women of the 21st Century
Yes, there are still 987 more years in this particular millennium. But we’ve already made up our minds. We’re saying right now: This is one of the top three hottest millennia ever. And we’ve already decided who the all-stars are. Yes, we’re talking about Beyoncé, but we’re not just talking about Beyoncé. We’re talking the century of Mila Kunis, the historically significant period of the Ladies of Friday Night Lights, the era when Marisa Tomei showed us how hot 44 was and Megan Fox showed us how hot talking-robot alien cars were. Just think, in the 1900s we didn’t even know what a sext was (thanks, Scarlett!), we’d never heard of Kate Upton or the Dougie, or the beautiful music they could make together. So, sure, it’s still early, but it’s not too early to obsessively catalogue GQ’s hottest women of the 2000s.
Your GQ Tumblrers
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JD.
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Robert Redford in The Great Gatsby [1974]
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Kate.
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Longreads Member Pick: After Visiting Friends (Chapter 1), by Michael Hainey
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Be still, our little shipper hearts!
