“Oh brother. I don’t want to marry any of them! Impossible! I guess I’d marry…Sterling? Fuck Don. And I guess I have to kill Pete? But let me say for the record that none of these are things I’d ever want to do.” - Elisabeth Moss
When last we saw Mad Men, Sterling Cooper Draper Price had fallen on hard times. (Remember Lucky Strike’s harsh goodbye? And the ensuing layoffs?) Well it looks like the show’s cable overlord, AMC, wants to trim some fat as well. Last night, Nikki Finke’s Deadline Hollywood reported that Mad Men showrunner Matt Weiner is bristling at a few of the network’s cost-saving requests:
“Though Weiner is poised to become the highest-paid showrunner on basic cable, we hear that he is objecting to three things AMC/Lionsgate are asking for: integrating product placement into the series, cutting 2 minutes from each episode’s running time in favor of more commercials and eliminating/reducing two regular cast members to save money.”
Weiner is understandably loath to cut characters, but as objective critics (fans always are) we’ve got a few helpful ideas. To start:
(1) Bobby Draper
For chrissakes, the kid’s already been replaced three times. He can’t be that important. And Sally has clearly emerged as the Most Interesting Draper Child. Maybe Betty can just send Bobby “to sleepaway camp”? At least until AMC feels generous again.
(2) Burt Cooper
The aging shareholder’s one quirk (no shoes) is getting stale. We say it’s time for him to bite the Blankenship. Joan, order up some new business cards for SDP please.
(3) Creepy Glen
Okay, we actually like Glen. Despite the fact he acts like a pre-formed serial killer. But since he’s played by Marten Weiner (yes, Matt’s son) can’t he, um, work for free and call it a household chore? We’re sure Dad will buy him a real nice 16th birthday present to make up for it.
(4) Don Draper (Bonus Sun Tzu Bargaining Option!)
Remember Don’s stealth maneuver with Honda last season? When other firms start breaking the rules of the competition, he pretends to take umbrage, pulls out of the bidding in dramatic fashion—and ends up winning the account. (Experts call this “reverse psychology.” You can steal that.) Meaning Matt Weiner should march in there and say: “Okay, AMC, you want me to cut some actors? How about Hamm? Because it just so happens that I just finished writing him out of Season 5. Done and done.”