Actual Letters, Actual Readers
Subject: To Lauren Bans
I am a huge fan of both New Kids On The Block and the Backstreet Boys. Their combined tour this summer is something that is very exciting to my friends and I. My husband does make fun of me for loving them, but I really could care less. He told me this morning that I should read your article in The Punch List of his current GQ Magazine. It made me so angry that I had to respond. First of all, I am not some nerdy moron that spends time in chat rooms. I wasn’t a cheerleader, nor do I collect Beanie Babies. I am a 32 year old mother of a 2 year old. I have a happy marriage and a ton of friends…I live a very happy and fulfilled life. Most men would find me attractive (blond highlights, size double zero waist (even after having a baby), and big boobs. I am not bragging and hate to go there, but I can see what type of picture you are building of fans of these groups. How about I judge you…are you some “artsy writer” that sits at Starbucks all day and blogs. Maybe you write poetry and wear all black. Maybe you listen to music where people scream into the microphone. How does it feel to be judged? So what that we like music where they sing beautiful ballads or songs that make you want to dance. Lamest concert tour …please…you are the lamest writer. Grow some respect for other people..especially fellow woman because you know most of their fans are.
Stacey R.
Actual Letters, Actual Readers

Subject: To Lauren Bans

I am a huge fan of both New Kids On The Block and the Backstreet Boys. Their combined tour this summer is something that is very exciting to my friends and I. My husband does make fun of me for loving them, but I really could care less. He told me this morning that I should read your article in The Punch List of his current GQ Magazine. It made me so angry that I had to respond. First of all, I am not some nerdy moron that spends time in chat rooms. I wasn’t a cheerleader, nor do I collect Beanie Babies. I am a 32 year old mother of a 2 year old. I have a happy marriage and a ton of friends…I live a very happy and fulfilled life. Most men would find me attractive (blond highlights, size double zero waist (even after having a baby), and big boobs. I am not bragging and hate to go there, but I can see what type of picture you are building of fans of these groups. How about I judge you…are you some “artsy writer” that sits at Starbucks all day and blogs. Maybe you write poetry and wear all black. Maybe you listen to music where people scream into the microphone. How does it feel to be judged? So what that we like music where they sing beautiful ballads or songs that make you want to dance. Lamest concert tour …please…you are the lamest writer. Grow some respect for other people..especially fellow woman because you know most of their fans are.

Stacey R.

Actual Letters, Actual Readers

Subject: NOT HAPPY WITH MAY COVER Listen -   I look forward to purchasing GQ every month and after reading it cover to cover, proudly placing it on my coffee table. I was so taken aback by the cover of the May 2011 issue that I couldn’t bring myself to touch it, let alone buy it and place it on my coffee table for everyone to see. Who in the hell thought it was a good idea to place the picture of a bedraggled homeless man on the cover? Come on GQ! For all of these years, you’ve set the standard for mens fashion. Don’t lower the bar now!

You say homeless man, we say lovable comedic actor with GOLD in his beard.
Actual Letters, Actual Readers

Subject: NOT HAPPY WITH MAY COVER

Listen -
 
I look forward to purchasing GQ every month and after reading it cover to cover, proudly placing it on my coffee table. I was so taken aback by the cover of the May 2011 issue that I couldn’t bring myself to touch it, let alone buy it and place it on my coffee table for everyone to see. Who in the hell thought it was a good idea to place the picture of a bedraggled homeless man on the cover? Come on GQ! For all of these years, you’ve set the standard for mens fashion. Don’t lower the bar now!

You say homeless man, we say lovable comedic actor with GOLD in his beard.

Sometimes People Email Us a Picture Hoping We’ll Put Them on the Cover
Here is the email:

Hey, I was wondering if someone from GQ could point me in the right direction of becoming a future cover model on GQ magazine?  I have attached a photo, could you let me know what you think?  
Thanks,
[Redacted]


And here is how we like to imagine this photo got taken:

“Yo, dude, pour this water on me.” “What?” “Like, pour it on me bro.” “Dude?” “I’m serious, it’s for GQ.” “Oh, sick.” “Yeah. Now turn all the lights off.”
Sometimes People Email Us a Picture Hoping We’ll Put Them on the Cover

Here is the email:

Hey, I was wondering if someone from GQ could point me in the right direction of becoming a future cover model on GQ magazine?  I have attached a photo, could you let me know what you think?  

Thanks,

[Redacted]

And here is how we like to imagine this photo got taken:

“Yo, dude, pour this water on me.”
“What?”
“Like, pour it on me bro.”
“Dude?”
“I’m serious, it’s for GQ.”
“Oh, sick.”
“Yeah. Now turn all the lights off.”

Actual Letters, Actual Readers: Vol. 14
Just so we’re clear, we’ve published things like this and this in our magazine, and THIS is what finally prompted you to stop letting your son(s) read — sorry, peruse — GQ? Our best guess: the idea of a woman writing as enthusiastically about sex as the laddies gives you a case of the night terrors, eh? Didn’t realize that’s how you roll up in Wuh-STAH.
Actual Letters, Actual Readers: Vol. 14

Just so we’re clear, we’ve published things like this and this in our magazine, and THIS is what finally prompted you to stop letting your son(s) read — sorry, peruse — GQ? Our best guess: the idea of a woman writing as enthusiastically about sex as the laddies gives you a case of the night terrors, eh? Didn’t realize that’s how you roll up in Wuh-STAH.

Actual Letters, Actual Readers: Vol. 13

I thought GQ had folded.  I travel from Philadelphia to Miami every week and I haven’t seen an issue of GQ in either of those cities in ten years. I found out by accident that you were still publishing by reading a Philadelphia newspaper, I saw that there was a column about Philly sports fans by a writer who has probably never been to Philadelphia and thinks we should be satisfied with the likes of McNabb, Cunningham and Vick while other treams have Tom Brady, Joe Montana, Ben Rothelesberger and Payton Manning. Have you resumed publication or just had a slow period? What is your circulation? Who are your sports writers?  I am a novelist who occasionally writes a guest column. Do you accept submissions from outside your office?  Let me know.

Ah, the foolproof “you guys suck—can I have a job?” strategy! Works every time. Why, yes, sir, we’ve been waiting for you. Your office is already set up. Grapes? Sparkling wine? Foot massage?

Actual Letters, Actual Readers: Vol. 12

I sent you an email last week…..no answer. Hummmm. Let’s try again! On the Feb cover of GQ you list: “The World’s Hottest Cheerleader” After reading cover to cover I can’t seem to find it. What am I missing? If I receive no answer I’ll try calling some of the phone numbers that you list on page 20. If I receive no answer from my phone calls I guess the next step will be to stop my subscription.

Look fella, in principle, we’re all in support of the guy who puts his mind to something and cannot be denied. It’s one of our very favorite sports cliches. But seriously? You’re this pissed over the mystery of the world’s hottest cheerleader? You’re willing to invest hours, emails, phone calls and rash financial transactions in order to get to the bottom of this?

OK. We give. It was Minka Kelly. She played a cheerleader on Friday Night Lights. You may commence chilling the fuck out now.

Actual Letters, Actual Readers: Vol. 11

I’m a recent subscriber and I thought that January’s issue was the best GQ I’ve read so far. The Burke article was thought-provoking and really shed some light on how there are no openly gay hockey players. I play hockey pretty seriously up here in Toronto and while I’m not gay, I’ve never really been a macho jock. So when I’m in the change room I put on this tough-guy act by drinking beer, swearing, talking about chicks, and using the word “bro” a lot. I can completely understand how uncomfortable a gay hockey player would feel in that situation.

Thanks for the letter. And, um, for the irony.

Actual Letters, Actual Readers: Vol. 11

Heres a picture of my son learning the finer points of potty training! nothing like a good picture book whilst on the toilet! Honest to god! I was wondering what was taking him so long so I opened the door, and to my amazement… My 4year old enjoying his dads favorite magazine! took this with my camera phone. “Thats my boy!” He’s definitely the most stylish of my 3 boys.

Maybe our dear followers can help us come up with a witty retort to this one, cuz for the first time in our brief Tumbr lives, we are speechless. And touched. If pressed to admit it, we see a bit of ourselves in this little boy.
Actual Letters, Actual Readers: Vol. 11

Heres a picture of my son learning the finer points of potty training! nothing like a good picture book whilst on the toilet! Honest to god! I was wondering what was taking him so long so I opened the door, and to my amazement… My 4year old enjoying his dads favorite magazine! took this with my camera phone. “Thats my boy!” He’s definitely the most stylish of my 3 boys.

Maybe our dear followers can help us come up with a witty retort to this one, cuz for the first time in our brief Tumbr lives, we are speechless. And touched. If pressed to admit it, we see a bit of ourselves in this little boy.