27 Things Not to Say During Your Oscars Acceptance Speech

  • "What’s crazy about this is I don’t even LIKE Jews."
  • "Sorry it took me so long to get up here! I had a boner and I had to wait for it to go down."
  • "Now I can trade in my wife for KATHRYN BIGELOW!"
  • "Suck it, QuvenzhanĂ© Wallis!"
  • "Who has two thumbs and is doing coke off a hooker’s ass tonight? THIS GUY!"
  • "And thank you to the Ayatollah Khomeini for inspiring this film."
  • "I kind of feel bad that this award didn’t go to the old lady."
  • "And thank you to Osama bin Laden for inspiring this film."
  • "Talk about torture! That tribute to Jerry Weintraub—just waterboard me!"
  • "And thank you to destitute French whores for inspiring this film."
  • "Speak American you snobby assholes: It’s LAY MIZ."

Read the full list at GQ.com