Don’t Be An Instabragger
OK, so you’re having a great time. Or some great food. Or you’re on a great beach, showing off your impossibly great tuchus that looks like some sort of prank involving beach balls (cough, Rhianna). And you post a picture of it. Not the most attractive human quality to display, but there’s no logic in admonishing the bragging braggarts of Instagram, because everyone on Instagram is a bragging braggart from the moment they thumb “Join.” It’s kinda the point. You don’t get eleventy billion “likes” by sharing kool-aid-filtered snapshots of your Grandma’s toenails.
But over the last few months, we’ve noticed an insidious brag form make its way onto Instagram. Basically: the Humblebrag, in visual form. Instead of outright boasting, the self-promotion is sneakily tucked into the mise-en-scene of this shot. Example? Girls’ creator Lena Dunham recently posted a ‘gram of a new mattress pad on the floor of her bedroom, which also happened to include Dunham herself lounging sexily on the bed in the background. Or take The Heat’s Dwayne Wade, who posted a pic of the toy car he bought his son, conveniently parked next to his gagillion dollar human-sized vehicle.
I must shamefully admit to Instabragging myself a couple months ago when I uploaded a shot of the cocktail I was drinking that featured my acoustic guitar subtly perched in the background. A friend called me out on it in the comments. Because friends don’t let friends Instabrag. And a secondary lesson? Beverages really aren’t worth bragging about. —LAUREN BANS
Well, not quite officially. But ladies, while the global village sorts through what went wrong, if you’re in the market for a mediocre journeyman power forward who’s been unlucky in love (though, to be fair, probably shoulda seen it coming) we know a guy who looks fantastic in a pair of bold-colored swim trunks! Let Kim Kardashian’s apparently voluntary loss be your gain!
Happy engagement, Kim. We’ll send you a copy of these pics.