A Valentine’s Day Tip From Jason Sudeikis: “Keep Your Eyes Open”

The SNL mainstay and star of Movie 43 offered GQ some pointed love advice:

For Valentine’s Day, could you give our readers some tips on how to land a fiancée like Olivia Wilde?

Oh boy. First off, when she’s speaking, keep your eyes open. Also say “please” and “thank you”—that was very helpful. And most important: Just mean what you say and say what you mean.

That’s very genuine. Recently, Olivia joked that you guys had sex like Kenyan marathon runners. So you guys wear short shorts and numbers on your backs?

Yep, and we have a guy who gives us little cups of water. To be honest, she was misquoted. If there’s any legitimacy in entertainment journalism, I’d be remiss if I didn’t correct it: The actual quote was “We fuck like Kenyan marathon runners.”

Oh, sorry. Yes. Totally different.

Things get lost in the translation. But everything after, from the word sex on, is accurate. When we’re both done, we tear through a little piece of tape. And you gotta put Band-Aids on your nipples, otherwise you’re really raw.