Where did you get such poor fashion sense? From your Dad? Some connection seems evident. George IV rocked a power doughnut and an odd fleece/sportcoat combination at your trial, and he wined and dined you with some teammates on that fateful night, and we hear he’d helped you line up a job at a plush D.C. real estate firm. Maybe he’ll help you when you get out? We’re guessing you’ll be around 40 and in bad need of a friend (don’t call us). G-IV could be that guy, though last we heard, he was facing foreclosure and three DUI-related charges—and come to think of it, he called in that domestic abuse complaint back in 2008, after you reportedly threatened him aboard the family yacht, then jumped ship before the Palm Beach sheriff arrived. We’ll let you two figure it out.
So our question stands: Would it have killed you to wear a tie? We know you can tie one, from your days at the sex scandal-fraught Landon School and those party photos from UVA. Speaking of the University of Virginia, think they’ll reinstate you? All things considered, the old U of V has been very kind. Rather than expel an athlete, the school let you withdraw, then claimed to know nothing about your legal troubles, like your arrest sophomore season, when, according to police, a cop tased you after you resisted arrest and threatened to kill her.