Five Things You Should Never Say To Your Wife

1. “Fuck you” (sincere version).
Obviously, saying it in jest is just dandy. I did it six times just now.

2. “You’re not my mother.”
I’ve said this to my wife a couple of times, and her reaction has always been unfavorable.

3. “Huh?”
Oh, so you weren’t listening to anything she said.

4. “I mean, we saw your parents just last month, didn’t we?”
You hate her parents. You just announced it.

5. “Come here. Let me give you a hug” (when she’s pissed).
Angry women hate being smothered with affection. It’s like shooting a bear with a BB gun and then trying to cuddle it. Not that your wife is a bear.

[By Drew Magary]