You know, if ever Tyrion Lannister should decide to bring Bronn along to ye olde Cheesecake Factory.
It’s a rare and exciting thing to see any of the inhabitants of Westeros engage in anything even approaching Birchbox Man-approved grooming standards. If they did, we wouldn’t be here dispensing all this unsolicited advice week after week. So we were quite surprised to see Bronn, that surly hired muscle who presently answers to Tyrion, displaying some small interest in his appearance. Early on in “The Prince of Winterfell,” we see this gruff “sellsword” seated opposite Tyrion, cleaning his fingernails with what appears to be a metal drafting compass. Tyrion asks him, “Do you have to do that here?” to which he replies, “I like to keep me hands clean.” Bravo, Bronn! A compass from the desk of the dimunitive Lannister will do in a pinch, sure, but since Bronn is committed to keeping his fingernails clean, we recommend that he switch to a dedicated manicure set. We know that he is a pragmatist at heart (Bronn’s refusal to don the traditional gold cloak worn by the commander of the city watch is proof of this), so we think he’ll love the Japonesque Manicure Set. It has everything a ruthless mercenary such as himself needs to clean his nails in between his various dirty works: tweezers, nail clippers, nail “nippers,” nail and cuticle scissors, and a combination nail file, grooming tool, and nail scoop. And it all comes in a handsome black leather case. Thank you, Bronn. Oh, and also: you’re welcome.